Friday, 26 August 2016

book of beasts

you will beg for the army.
make your pitch as you're leaving.

they bashed in your head for a pack of cigarettes but
you are looking younger from the trainers upwards

you will beg for the army.

he said,
amenities and luxuries
never meant that much 2 me

consider the ant, consider the bee.
forget your centre of gravity and
throw yourself at the lion's feet,

take your cue from the book of beasts.

Tuesday, 28 April 2015

soap factory

i play bass in a band,
we practice in the place
where my dad's dad lost his hand.

it's great working here,
you stay late and you get
free pizza and beer.

as i told her this,
she rolled her eyes and said

"is this some kind of sick joke?
we get paid more than that
working in a mexican sweatshop"

here they come, the super groups,
everybody always says they're good
at what they do and between black
walls of marshall stacks the drummer asks:


i went through the north and the west and nobody gave a damn.

and the asbestos halls just laughed.

i always dreamt of peeling the lids of off tin sheds,
holding companies folding, moaning low in pomona...
in clippers quay, in merchants quays, in exchange quay..

where rows of condemned souls - unfit for purpose -
are all lined up, waiting for their turn to be converted

and every click of the mouse
is enough to feed a shanty town yeah.

soap factory, soap factory...

and if you ever stop to miss us,
just wish us back into existence.

soap factory, soap factory, soap factory.

Sunday, 7 September 2014

inner ring road #1 (slumlord)

speaking in code
on the inner ring road
staving off starvation mode

turning purple
in the turning circle
taking the eccles tram
through our sham of a hinter land.

i was thinking
and walking it was
following me

as i flicked betwixt
multiple realities

digesting the world
internally amongst

the bleating and squawking
about trams and psychogeography

pointing your sword
towards magnetic north

breaking the brotchen
with the bitching and bored

sick of the saints
i think i'll take my complaints

to the slumlord
to the slumlord.

inner ring road #2 (eccles tram)

speaking in code
on the inner ring road

taking the eccles tram taking the eccles tram
taking the eccles tram taking the eccles tram.

speaking in code
on the inner ring road

i had just turned
one hundred thousand
years old but

i still got all my own teeth
which i keep in a box beneath the seat.

struggling upstream
with the garbage and the geese

finally making my peace
with the water taxis and river police

as i follow the sodium lanterns
into a quay where i wouldn't object to being scattered.

i teach myself to read again and act like i'm on tv again
i teach myself to read again and act like i'm on tv again...
the man across the aisle from me asks me what i make of this century

i stare six feet ahead of me and
shift my box onto the empty seat
i shift my box onto the empty seat.

it starts with thinning at the crown and ends in one of the many rooms of your father's house.

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

beef with everyone

in every office and every home, content getting fucked by form.
every exhibition is amateur porn and we've got beef with everyone.

we've got beef with everyone

wince as history is being written by a coked up kid with no qualifications
blessed with hair so effortlessly thick it makes you physically sick to see him

he's dressed in echo on the edge of town, the battle for the milltown crown
there's nothing scarier than an emerging area policed by mysterious criteria when

we've got beef with everyone
we've got beef with everyone
we've got beef with everyone
we've got beef with everyone

he saw the sadness in her eyes and said just treat it as a bit of exercise,
something to define yourself against, something to remember yourself by.

bye bye.

no goodbye and no hello, no more opening up of the door,
no goodbye and no hello - cos you're not our customer anymore.

you're not our customer anymore.

carling cans on the megabus - your new definition of dangerous.

Friday, 29 August 2014

fag packet mathematics

i tried reasoning, i tried to reason that the uh,
that the uh dip was

and so our vision
become a salvage mission.

as i rework
and reforecast
until i'm runnning out of f(ag packet mathematics)ingers

amateurs dramatics.

you wait for sorry
but sorry is no longer in service.

as you sit,
and you wait,
in the weather,

where almost nothing is worth it.

nervous in the same shirt as yesterday and propped up with  a coffee i've never heard of

we pour all our resources
into hastening our own denoument

in the strive for infinite improvement

fag packet mathematics
amateur dramatics

when water will not work, why not cancel it out with the apple?

fag packet mathematics. one's ever really got nowt to do.
the science is flawless until it comes and fucks you.

until it comes and fucks you.

Monday, 30 December 2013

the desolation of SMUG

boys. girls?

allow us now to condense twelve months of experience into one wobbling mass and then extrapolate into the beyond-mosphere.


the year began with our tumbling towards londonville to record a session for bella union kingpin simon raymonde for his amazing radio show.

summary & conclusion - it was a nice thing to do. highlights included:
  • the engineer locking himself and consequently us out of the studio the second we arrived
  • a sumptuous trend-burger at the sebright arms
  • managing to empty a soho gay bar with our mere existence
  • seeing the bassist from our heroes "the killers" in a metal pub
  • taking 2 hours to get checked into a travelodge in some shapeless north london motorway town in the small hours - including being briefly ushered into a room which contained a sleeping family, 
  • endless vomiting.
  • creating edgy theoretical comedian PAUL FUCK in the 6 hour drive back to salford and almost crashing due to tears of laughter blindness

shows were fairly sparse for us this year as you may have gathered from our not-so-passive-aggressive tweets and mail outs. the ones we did do, however, were largely decent and widely spread, including three festivals.

dublin as an outing was fine, marred mainly by a soundman who defied his own description by instead being a cuntofaman. it was our first gig outside of the UK as well as our first SOLD OUT gig. unfortunately as it was the local headliners who had SOLD OUT the gig and as their coachload of fans hadn't turned up by the time we played, we performed to about 4 people - with several of our friends having to stand outside due to the gig having SOLD OUT.

the great escape festival in brighton was a high point of the year, made possible by ed from resonance fm. even being wrongly fined £300 by the hotel for (not) smoking in the room could not taint the overall experience. we shan't stoop so low as to name of the hotel of lying twats here, but should any of you be considering cheap hotels in said town, message us and we will spill t'beans.

in august we travelled on a high spirited 13 hour ferry trip to play incubate in the netherlands, taking in hull city centre en route and searching for the fabled statue of strangers son's gareth smith's great grandfather.

the trip was not without stress with our backline only being confirmed shortly before we performed, and a hungover drive from rotterdam to tilburg where 50% of the band were wilfully & relentlessly unhelpful/inflammatory for the duration.

we were sheltered by a local couple max and marieke who fed us chicken egg & pig-meat and then winced in horror as one of the band demonstrated his lack of aptitude in wielding a cheese spade (cheese peeler). they also played a guessing game where they correctly identified aiden as bassist due to his beard and check shirt and incorrectly identified stephen as anything but the singer due to his everything.

more locally we have done decent gigs in preston, manchester and dogstock in bolton. in each case sharing stages with excellent bands/people inc. total victory, phlegm fatales, politburo and locean. we extend our grovelly gratitude to em and recommend y'all listen t'em.


FLASHBACK to the start of the year where we headed straight back into the practice room in the wake of BALLAST III to assemble the bones of album#5.

in april we recorded six songs in a studio, although these recordings are set to be superceded by self recorded dopplegangers. as with most band-related decisions the decision to self record was largely practical/economical. such restraints however are always to embraced and we're confident we have crafted something overcooked and horrid as per.

progress on the album has been mildly hampered by being turfed out of our permanent practice room in september for non-exciting reasons. we now have a new one the location of which cannot be disclosed because why would you care


2013 will go down in pop history as the first year since M.I. slithered into existence where no new music was released. this is partially deliberate, and calm down anyway it will be out in Q1.

we wish each of you and your families health and wealth, and if we have not yet clarified that we are basically grateful to anyone who has given us a platform, or listened to our music over these past 12 months - then we are...


monster island